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A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.
...With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, 'Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
Police officer. "Well why do you have beer labels on your foreheads?"
The man answers, "These aren't labels. We are alcoholics, and we're on the patch."
My grandmother was famous for her quick wit. Once, at a family event, my sister's date asked if he could bring her a drink.
"Yes. A Manhattan," Grandmother said.
"Okay, but you can't be our designated driver," the young man joked. "Oh, I don't drive. Never did."
...
"Why is that?" he asked.
"I knew that if you drink, you shouldn't drive. So I made the only sensible choice."
"Yes. A Manhattan," Grandmother said.
"Okay, but you can't be our designated driver," the young man joked. "Oh, I don't drive. Never did."
...
"Why is that?" he asked.
"I knew that if you drink, you shouldn't drive. So I made the only sensible choice."
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