comedy addiction

"Sponsorship is pretty neat. I tell the other guy what to do and if it works, I try it."

"God probably wants spiritial fruit not religous nuts."

"Switching addictions is like switching seats on the Titanic: different view, same destination."

"When ever I have a problem I just sing. Then I know my voice is a lot worse then my problem."

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A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.
...With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, 'Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."

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If you meet more than three assholes in one day, you need a meeting. If you meet more than four, you need a meeting and to call your sponsor. Any more than that and you better be reviewing Steps One, Two and Three real hard.

When too many assholes get in my way, it means I need a check-up from the neck up :-)

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Police officer. "Well why do you have beer labels on your foreheads?"
The man answers, "These aren't labels. We are alcoholics, and we're on the patch."

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A tramp, after a day or two in the hustling, bustling town of Denver, shook the Denver dust from his boots with a snarl.
"They must be durn lazy people in this town. Everywhere you turn they offer you work to do."

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12 Step Humor from How to Become an Oldtimer

My grandmother was famous for her quick wit. Once, at a family event, my sister's date asked if he could bring her a drink.

"Yes. A Manhattan," Grandmother said.

"Okay, but you can't be our designated driver," the young man joked. "Oh, I don't drive. Never did."
...
"Why is that?" he asked.

"I knew that if you drink, you shouldn't drive. So I made the only sensible choice."